How to introduce toys and devices into a relationship

by Eleanor Hadley

Sometimes we can get stuck in a routine when it comes to sex. We have our go-to positions, our old faithful way of getting off that hits the spot. Now, there’s nothing wrong with knowing what you like and claiming it, but the super fun thing about sex is that there is so much to explore. 

If you’re feeling the call to mix up your sex-life, may I suggest adding some sex toys in to the mix?

Often the assumption is that sex toys are relegated to use for self pleasure sessions only. And while this is an absolutely stellar use of them, sex toys can add a fun and exciting element to your partnered sex life. 

Explore new sensations, enhanced pleasure and elevated orgasms with the addition of your favourite sex toy - or, try something brand new together for a fun adventure.

If you’re new to using sex toys with a partner, though, here are a few handy tips to get you started:

 

Prioritise Pleasure

Many people fear using sex toys in partnered sex will detract from the connection or that somehow using toys together indicates that one of you isn’t ‘good enough’ or that the sex isn’t up to par. But, this couldn’t be further from the truth. Being open to using toys together shows a desire to enhance pleasure for all - and that’s a pretty wonderful approach to have to sex

If you’re nervous about bruising your partner’s ego by suggesting using sex toys together, clear communication and carefully considered requests are the way to go. It’s important to approach the topic with curiosity and enthusiasm, as opposed to criticism and complaint. Ensure your partner knows that you love the sex you’re having, just that you’d love to mix it up with the help of a pleasure tool from time to time. It doesn’t have to be intimidating, instead it can be an exciting new experience for you to share.

Discuss the topic outside of the bedroom first

Communication is key in all relationships, especially sexual ones. Studies have shown that couples who regularly speak about sex outside the bedroom, have far more satisfying sex lives. So, don’t stay quiet. Speak up and regularly discuss what you like, what you don’t, what you’d like to try together and of course, your desire to use sex toys together the next time you get it on. Not sure where to start? 

Consider the following conversation starters:

  • You know that new vibe I just got? I’d love you to use it on me next time we have sex.
  • Have you ever used a butt plug before?
  • How do you feel about trying a cock ring?
  • I’ve always wanted to explore double penetration, maybe we could use the Double Entendre next time?
  • I’d love to watch you use a dildo, I want to know exactly how you like it..

Choose a toy to try together

Perhaps you have a drawer full of options, or maybe you want to hop online and pick out a new toy together. Either way, it can be a really fun and bonding exercise to decide on what you want to try as a couple. This also builds the anticipation and extends foreplay - delicious!

Consider the type of stimulation you already like and the ways in which you currently have sex. What would be an easy addition to begin with? Maybe you love the feeling of clitoral stimulation while being penetrated. Perhaps an internal toy for while your partner is going down on you sounds like your style. Or you could try something for anal play. Consider the positions you love and what kind of device would be most suitable and comfortable for the position - maybe that’s something small and flat, or something with a long handle for easy access. There are so many options, so take some time to see what feels best for you both.

Check in during and after

When it’s time to get it on with your boo and your new toy, make sure to check in regularly to see how it’s feeling for both of you and make any adjustments. As part of your regular aftercare too, be sure to have a chat afterwards about your experience, the things you enjoyed and the ways in which you might switch it up next time. Remember, communication is key!

Using sex toys for self pleasure and during partnered sex is a completely healthy thing to do. Remember, you deserve pleasure, and you are allowed to experience it in all different ways. So, get exploring and have fun!

 

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