How to keep things spicy in a long term relationship

There’s a reason why they say communication is the most important thing when it comes to making a long-term relationship work. Communication allows you to understand each other’s needs and desires and also helps shift the dynamic from roommates to life partners. Making sure you both have one on one time, without any distractions to talk about what’s on your mind or even about your days will help reignite that spark. Sometimes all you need to bring back the mojo is just a good old fashion check in.

Being stuck in the same old routine is the number one mood killer in long term relationships. Most times the only time you really have together during the week is in bed, but you’re both so tired that even the idea of sex is exhausting. Weekends are usually filled with running errands and making sure everything is ready for the week ahead. A good way to add some excitement is trying a new activity together. Things that get you moving such as bouldering or a dance class release endorphins which makes you feel better and gives you more energy. Another good way is by being creative, go to a cooking class or a pottery class and spend time seeing your creations come to life! Creating new memories together and experiencing the excitement of new things can bring you closer together and let’s be real, getting your hands dirty is one way to get in the mood.

If you and your partner find yourself scheduling intimacy ahead of time, maybe it’s time to add a bit of spontaneity to your schedule. There are many ways to add spontaneity into your relationship. Things such as taking turns to plan blind dates for each other, indulging in some roleplay (we aren’t saying you have to dress up as a doctor, but even meeting at a bar or restaurant and pretending it’s your first date can do the trick!), or even just sending each other surprise intimate messages or pictures to brighten each other's day! Keeping things spontaneous can be as extravagant as a surprise weekend away, or as simple as just trying a new toy in the bedroom! There are so many things you can do to avoid the rut of routine and to keep your partner on their toes.

When was the last time you had a good old fashioned make out session that doesn’t end with doing the dirty? Not in a while? We thought so. Sometimes the best way to keep things spicy is by taking it slow. Any form of intimate touch from your partner releases a hormone called oxytocin, which is the feel good hormone. Whether it be cuddling, showering together or a steamy make out session, touching each other is an easy, yet often overlooked, way of getting those butterflies back!

Sometimes in long term relationships, the romance fades over time. It’s not to say your partner isn’t attracted to you, but things get more comfortable, life gets busy and those grand gestures that once swept you off your feet become less frequent. Injecting more romance into your relationship can help reignite the spark and take you from roommates back to lovers. If you know your partner’s love language, now is the time to show that! Otherwise, planning a weekend away, a candlelit dinner or even something as small as creating a cosy atmosphere at home with no phones or emails to distract you, are all great ways to add a bit more romance without having too much planning to do. At the end of the day, romance is all about just spending some uninterrupted time with each other and letting the other person know that you appreciate them.

Lastly, this is a level up from the communication mentioned earlier. If you have great communication, romance and intimacy but are just getting bored of doing the same 3 positions, why not spice things up? Create a list of things you are interested in trying, things you have tried and enjoy, and things you have/haven’t tried but aren’t interested in trying and see which ones cross over in your partner’s list. You might find out that you both have been fantasising about the same thing but haven’t told each other! Alternatively, there are so many apps out  there nowadays specifically for long term and long distance couples to keep things spicy. Oh la la!

Long term relationships change overtime, because as you grow, so does your relationship. Although once your honeymoon phase is over, it can feel like the love isn’t there anymore, just remember that there are so many beautiful things that come with it, such as hitting milestones together, creating a life together and watching yourself and your partner grow. However, just because the honeymoon phase is over, doesn’t mean the passion has to end. Keeping communication open is an important part of making sure your relationship is on the right track. To bring back the spark, there are so many things that can be done from trying new activities together, to planning a weekend away, to just having a good old fashioned make out session, all it requires is a couple that is willing to put in the effort!