how to tell if she's into you

Dating can be daunting if you’re a human who deals with human issues like nervousness or insecurity. It requires a certain level of bravery and vulnerability to open yourself up to someone else on an intimate level. There are different ways that a woman could be “into you” that might include her desire to want to get physically intimate with you, build a more profound intellectual or long term relationship with you, or anything in between. The exciting news is that each of us determines what we want our relationships to look like. A strictly physical connection can be just as beautiful and worthwhile as a long-term romantic partner. So let’s take a look at some of the “symptoms,” if you will, that she is, in fact, into you. Who knows, picking up on these signals could lead to your next petite amie!

1. She makes eye contact. This one can be tricky. Sometimes she might glance away from you. That doesn’t mean she isn’t interested. It could mean she’s just as nervous as you are, and maybe she’s feeling shy. But if things feel like they’re going well and she isn’t afraid to hold your gaze, the chances are high that she’s feeling some good things. This is especially true if the physical distance between you is small (i.e., your bodies are getting closer to each other). If you’re within kissing distance and she’s looking into your eyes, hold onto your pants (or don’t) because she’s likely primed and ready for that next move.
2. She leans into you when you’re together. We all have those protective bubbles around us - you know, personal space. If she’s crossing over that personal bubble, whether intentionally or not, the chances are high that she wants to be closer to you. Do you ever notice when you’re on a date and your arms brush each other, you lean into each other when sitting down next to one another, or you lean towards the other when a table is separating you? Oh la la, these are all good signs!
3. She asks questions. Everyone wants a date who seems engaged and interested in who you are as a person. If she is asking you questions to understand you better, there’s a good chance she’s interested. Does she want to know more? Or does she give you short answers? Does she ask about your preferences - and not necessarily whether you like top or bottom ;).No one wants to share their life story to be met with, “That’s cool.” If that’s the response you get, get on outta there!

4. She touches you. This takes leaning in a step further. Leaning in is a gentle clue, while actually physically touching you is a pretty clear indicator that she’s into you. Body language is huge when it comes to understanding how another person feels. Are her arms crossed? That’s typically a more protective-against-vulnerability stance or a sign that she’s uncomfortable. Does she touch your arm, your hand, your leg? If you’re reading this, it’s highly likely that you’re hyperaware of even the slightest touch from your potential lover. If you aren’t, slow down and notice. Encourage the touching if you wish, and maybe offer up a little of your own touch, gauge the temperature, and see if it starts getting steamy.

5. She hints (or outright says) that she wants to take the experience to the next step or stage, whatever that may be. A tell-tale sign that she’s into you might be the classic, “So what do you want to do?” as you linger at the car, your doorstep, the couch, the bed. It could also be a clear communication that, “Hey, I like you. Wanna makeout/go on a second date/jump into bed?” An even easier way to find out if she’s into you is to make your intentions and desires known. Clear communication is sexy AF. If you get rejected, that is life. Take a deep breath and keep on moving.

6. Speaking of breath, if she seems to be taking slower, deeper breaths, that might be a good sign. When a person takes a deep breath, it is often to ground themselves when they feel nervous, excited, or anxious. These happy, calming breaths can be subtle and sometimes not-so-subtle, if you’re paying attention. If you start gazing into one another’s eyes, occasionally licking your lips, or pushing up against that invisible bubble boundary with a gentle stroke to the arm or body, those deep breaths or sighs could signal a release of some built-up sexual tension.

"Clear communication is sexy AF. If you get rejected, that is life. Take a deep breath and keep on moving"

7. She teases you. Why yes, women and men still carry on the schoolyard tradition of teasing each other when they like each other. If she’s lightly teasing you or poking fun at certain things, it could be a sign that she’s interested in you and also a way to feel out your boundaries. Some people can get offended about lighthearted teasing (make sure it is lighthearted because no one wants to be teased in a way that cuts you down as a person). This is good to know and a good barometer of how compatible your communication will be. Teasing is great, whether it’s through banter or in the bedroom.

8. She responds quickly. So here’s how things are going. The first date went well. Or so you think? You send her a text about it. A quick way to really know how well it went is how responsive she is after. Does her communication style shift at all? Does she answer you quickly? There’s no need for any type of waiting game before texting and responding. If you get a text, answer it. No one’s got time for games. If she’s normally quick to respond, there’s a high likelihood that she likes you because she’s prioritizing you.

Building intimate relationships is a scary and exciting part of life for a lot of people. It requires vulnerability, courage, and a certain level of risk. When feeling out those first romantic encounters with someone, it can feel like a delicate dance between you two. But when push comes to shove, if you want to know if she’s into you, and you can’t tell from the hints that she’s giving off, just ask her. This goes for any relationship, regardless of gender. If you like someone, show them and tell them so (always with consent, of course). If she’s into you, she’ll let you know!