It’s that time of year where we all start planning for the next. A fresh new slate, a new year of possibilities on the horizons. As 2024 rolls around, most people will be setting resolutions, new goals, intentions and even words for the year, calling in the energy they want to bring into their lives.
Most often, resolutions tend to centre around physical health and fitness, dieting, reducing stress, career and financial progressions and new hobbies. But, let me ask you: have your resolutions ever featured your sex and pleasure? Because maybe it’s about time they did.
Now, I’m not talking about something like ‘have sex X amount of times in 2024’, but rather I invite you to ask yourself how you can prioritise your pleasure in the new year.
Sex, pleasure and intimacy often fall by the wayside in the busyness of day to day life, or get overlooked while pursuing those other, seemingly more ‘important’ goals. But what if I told you that enhancing your sex-life, could actually help improve many other areas of your life too?
The benefits of a healthy sex-life are vast. From improved sleep quality, a stronger immune system, lower blood pressure to reduced levels of anxiety, improved self-esteem and increased intimacy.
So, we know that sex and pleasure are an important part of our lives, but how do we go about setting some tangible sexy resolutions? What actionable steps can we take to put our pleasure front and centre in the new year? I’ve got you covered. Enter: The Pleasure Menu
After working 1:1 with clients to set pleasure-centred goals during my coaching sessions over the past five years, one thing I’ve noticed is that less is more. When embarking on a journey of embodiment, or even just starting something new, there’s a tendency to go all in immediately - ‘balls to the wall’ if you will, and create a long list of new tasks to complete in order to become the better version of yourself overnight.
So instead of creating a long list of intimacy games and embodiment exercises, I encourage my clients to create a Pleasure Menu.
Similar to a menu at a cafe, you’ll have the options split into sections - breakfast, lunch, desserts, drinks and extras. Now, I don’t know about you, but I don’t attempt to order and eat every single item on the menu every single day. That would be borderline insane.
Instead of creating a massive list and expecting yourself to tick off all the items, can you instead create a menu, and choose which practises you’d like to do each day? Knowing that some days you’ll only have an appetite for a coffee and a muffin, and other days you might be in the mood for a big breakfast.
It’s also important to recognise that there’s no hierarchy when it comes to the types of choices you have on your Pleasure Menu. That is to say, a big brekkie isn’t inherently ‘better’ than a snack - they simply differ in size, energy and nutrition. This is where my theory of Gourmet Sex and Snack Sex comes into play. In my work, I often talk about the concept of Gourmet Sex which is the type of sex that is akin to a fancy three-course meal - it’s a bit more special, we take things slow, there’s more presence and intention and it often leaves you feeling both satisfied and deeply nourished. Then, we have Snack Sex, which is also delicious, though may be a bit quicker in style, not quite as nourishing but certainly less time consuming. It’s not sustainable to subsist on only one or the other, but both gourmet meals and snacks can co-exist in a healthy sexual diet. Similarly, when creating your Pleasure Menu, I encourage you to see a whole array of pleasurable activities from snack to gourmet meals.
Not sure where to start? Here’s a list of daily practices, embodiment exercises and intimacy games that you can add to your menu, split into different sections - snacks, solo exploration, partner ideas and gourmet meals. Regardless of if you’re single or paired up, you’ll find something to amp up your pleasure. Take some time this new year to create your own personalised Pleasure Menu by choosing some things you like from the list below, and adding in your own. Then, simply choose one or more things to infuse into your life each day.When in doubt, use my mantra and ask yourself; “How can I make this moment more pleasurable?” Using this mantra will remind you to shift your perspective of the mundane, everyday tasks and invites you to look at them through the lens of pleasure. Even the simplest moments can be pleasurable when we bring some presence and intention to them.