Girl on Top, Cowgirl, The Rider - whatever you like to call it, we’re all familiar with the popular sex position of being on top. It’s a great move for people with vulvas as it allows for deep penetration and clitoral stimulation at the same time, which is one of the most reliable routes to orgasm. But, it’s a position that many can shy away from for a variety of reasons, from feeling self-conscious, lacking the strength and stamina and fear of the intimate connection.
Read on to learn how to make this your new favourite move.
For the purposes of this article, I’ll be talking in the binary in the frame of heterosexual sex, but of course this position and the following advice can be applied to people of all genders exploring with penises, toys or strap-ons.
Build your confidence
One reason many women shy away from being on top is due to body image issues or a lack of confidence. When you’re on top or your lover, you’re kind of the star of the show here and eyes are on you. If the idea of your partner watching you while you’re on top makes you cringe, I encourage you to remember that whoever you’re having sex with is clearly into you. They’re probably counting their lucky stars to have you naked in their presence so try to channel that goddess energy and don’t overthink what your body looks like from this angle. Trust me, they’re stoked to have you there.
Sexercise for stamina
Being on top can definitely double as a workout, so it’s helpful to do some sexually-minded exercise, or sexercise if you will, to limber up so you can ride all night without pulling a hammy. Typically, our legs and booty get pretty tired pretty fast when on top but the arms can feel it too if we’re bracing our weight on them, so some full body strength definitely doesn’t go astray when it comes to riding the D. Try these exercises and stretches the next time you’re in the gym to get prepped for your next session on top…
- Wide-leg sumo squats
- Deep lunges
- Wall sit
- Push ups
- Plank pose
- Cat/Cow
- Frog stretch
- Pigeon pose
- Butterfly pose
To bounce or grind? That is the question..
Often, thanks to the way porn depicts girl-on-top, there’s a perception that this position is all about relentlessly bouncing up and down. Which, yes, would be tiring af. But, there are so many ways to ride that are far more sustainable - and won’t have your knees seizing up.
Typically, the classic bounce move is going to provide the man with the most pleasure, as this movement will create that glide along the shaft, stimulating the whole penis. For the woman, the bounce might feel okay if she enjoys penetration, but often the clit gets forgotten when thrusting is the main item on the agenda. It’s also very labour intensive.
Whereas, the more subtle movement of grinding tends to prioritise her pleasure by allowing both the feeling of fullness with deep penetration plus the essential clit stimulation provided by rubbing up against his pubic bone.
Hold on tight
To allow for ultimate friction and mobility in this position, and to take some of the pressure off your legs from doing all the work, it’s helpful to hold on to something to aid with control of the movement. This could be a headboard or the top on the mattress if you’re leaning forward (bonus points here for your lover to give your breasts some attention). Holding on to your lover’s shoulders or perhaps pressing down on their chest while your ride and grind can be helpful too. If you’re upright, arching back or squatting over them, reaching your hands back to brace on their thighs can help you work that angle too.
Switch up the position
Being on top can be interpreted in so many different ways, so I encourage you to experiment with different positions. Perhaps you emulate missionary by laying on top of your partner, maybe you take a seat right on top, or position yourself in a squat with your feet flat on either side of their body (this one is ideal for bouncing). Of course you can always face them, or turn and face away for a reverse cowgirl moment, exploring the different sensation a new position provides. And your partner could be laying, sitting upright, on the edge of the bed, in a chair or even standing. For a more intimate position, try the lotus pose where he sits cross-legged, and she wraps her legs around him. The world really is your oyster here, so don’t be afraid to experiment and troubleshoot when something doesn’t feel quite right.
Work your angles
The internal and external stimulation experienced in any position you try can be altered so much through subtle movements such as leaning forward or backwards, arching through the back, lifting a leg, opening or closing the legs. Different angles will hit different areas inside the vaginal canal such as the g-spot, a-spot and cervix, which explains why certain positions can feel so much more orgasmic for you than others. If it’s not feeling super pleasurable for you, try some simple micro adjustments until things really start to *hit the spot*.
Bring the toys on board
Who doesn’t love a little extra helping hand? For those positions where perhaps the clit isn’t getting as much attention as it deserves, you can go manual or invite some vibration in through a pleasure tool such as the Petit Eiffel, or the Double Entendre to take things to the next level.
With so many ways to enjoy being on top, don’t be afraid to explore, communicate with your partner about what feels good and how it could be even better and find what works for you. Happy riding!
