Sex is supposed to be fun, exciting and most importantly PLEASURABLE for all involved. Afterall, sex is how we express ourselves sexually and its where we can be most playful, intimate and connected with our partners.
But it’s very easy to fall into sexual routines. Overtime, this can make sex feel predictable, habitual or even boring. And nobody wants that!
If you are craving new ways to keep things exciting and fun between the sheets, try this week of pleasure activities and games this World Sexual Health Week, as recommended by a Sexologist. Each activity is designed to increase pleasure, curiosity, libido, communication, connection and intimacy.
I’d also encourage you to have a little debrief after every single activity. What were the highlights? What did you learn about your body? What surprised you? What are you curious to try next?
Day 1: Artist & Muse
A fun game to help you feel more confident and sexy in your body, and helps you practice really clear sexual communication. It’s also a little bit kinky, and is great for people who enjoy playing with power dynamics.
What to do:
Set the scene: Make the environment as sexy and sensual as possible, and light some candles so the lighting is sensual. Make the bed itself look great - put on fresh bedding, throw on a lux blanket, and clear up any clutter around the space. Both get dressed into something that makes you feel sexy and comfortable. This could be being naked, your favourite lingerie or underwear, or something else entirely. Get a blindfold.
Agree the rules of the game: Decide who will go first - you will be the ‘muse’. Your partner will be the ‘artist’. Agree on how long each of you will have (for example 10 minutes each). Agree on whether any bodily touch is welcome, if there is anywhere the muse doesn’t want to be touched, or any type of touch that they do not want. Discuss whether each of you feel comfortable with the artist having a phone or camera and taking photos of the muse. These can always be deleted after the game is over.
Play the game! The artist should sensually put the blindfold onto the muse, and instruct them to get onto the bed. Using only their voice, the artist will tell the muse exactly how they’d like them to pose on the bed. If it feels good, and you agreed to do so, you may incorporate some bodily touch to your beautiful muse, or take some photos as you go. Go slowly, and keep each instruction simple. Use your voice erotically. Some example instructions you could try:
- Lie back on the bed.
- Put your left arm above your head.
- Lift up your right knee
- Arch your back
- Put your right hand on your inner thigh
- Turn your head towards my voice
Day 2: Bossy Erotic Massage
It’s time to awaken your whole body, and remember that your whole body can be an erogenous zone, not just your genitals! Giving and receiving erotic massage not only feels amazing, but is a great way to improve sexual communication, increase your libido, deepen connection, and learn how to listen to your whole body and ask for what you want.
Remember, the purpose of the massage is simple: pleasure! If that leads to arousal and orgasm - great! But if not, that’s great too. Enjoy the journey, not just the destination.
If you're single, you can also give yourself an amazing massage - a self guided chest or breast massage can be incredibly relaxing and pleasurable.
What to do:
Set the scene: Set up your environment so it feels as pleasurable as possible. Consider music, lighting and candles, and have some massage oil on hand to make it feel even better. Remember to use a water-based lube instead of massage oil for if and when the massage progresses to any genital touch. Massage oil is NOT good for the PH balance of the vagina - you’ll thank me later!
Agree the rules of the game: Decide which lucky person gets to go first, and give the receiver time to check in with their bodies and request what would feel amazing for them, thinking about where they want the touch and what exact kind of touch they want. Agree on a time for giving/receiving touch - for example 15 minutes each
Give the touch! While giving the massage, the aim of the game is for the receiver to ask for exactly what they want, and to be as bossy as they like when they do so. To help them, the giver can try asking the question ‘how could this touch be even more perfect”. Try saying ‘thank you’ every time the giver receives any form of feedback or direction from the receiver. At the end of the time, remember to thank your partner for giving/receiving, and swap over!
Day 3: Blindfolded Sensation Play
So simple, and so effective. It’s amazing what the simple act of putting on a blindfold can do when it comes to sex and intimacy. There is something about removing sight that makes everything feel extremely intense, and helps increase sensation, presence, and builds anticipation in the body. It’s also great for those who enjoy playing with power dynamics, naughtiness and teasing.
What to do:
Set the scene: Again set up your environment so it feels as pleasurable as possible for the senses. Get as many different items around you as possible to play with. Think about different textures, temperatures and types of touch. Some ideas could be feathers, a flower, a fork, warmed massage oil or lube, ice cubes, silk/fur, nails, a vibrator or massager, or wine to kiss into your partner's mouth.
Agree the rules of the game: Agree on who is the one getting blindfolded (or if you are taking turns), and discuss any boundaries the receiver might have -for example is there any touch they don't want, or anywhere they don’t want touching?
Give the touch! While giving the touch, try and keep things as varied as possible. Remember to tease and explore your partner's whole body- Sometimes the most amazing pleasure can come from unexpected places! The giver could try giving each type of sensation a rating out of 5, with 1 being the least pleasurable and 5 being amazing. Some ideas you could try:
- Kissing wine into your lovers mouth
- Running an icecube very slowly across a collarbone and around a nipple
- Using a feather to trace down their hips and down their inner thigh
- Dribbling warmed oil onto their chest and stomach
- Lightly running the prongs of a cool fork across the surface of their skin
If you're single, mix up your self-pleasure practice and blindfold yourself. Give yourself the sensation play with your eyes closed as you breathe, move and explore.