Want to take your sex-life from just average to fully embodied bliss? It’s time to evoke your five senses for five-star sex.
Right now, you may be feeling like your sex life is a bit average, or perhaps it's simply lacking that spark, that magic, that je ne sais quoi - if you will.
Here’s where Sensual Sex comes in.
Many people believe that the terms ‘sensual’ and ‘sexual’ are one and the same. But, in my work as a Sensuality Coach & Sex Educator, I can tell you that - while the two compliment one another beautifully - they are not synonymous.
We can be deeply embodied in our sensuality without being innately sexual and conversely we can have sex that isn’t at all connected to our sensuality.
To be sensual is to truly be of the senses, to engage the senses in such a way as to heighten your awareness of the connection between your physical body and the external world. To be sensual is to physically enjoy the body and savour in your senses.
In my definition of sensuality, there are three expressions - they are mindfulness, body-love and empathy.
Mindfulness is to truly be 'of the senses', bringing awareness to every moment, experiencing the world with pleasure through all five senses. In the practice of sensuality, we take mindfulness to an embodied state of truly enjoying and savouring in our senses.
Body Love is experienced when you cultivate a profound sense of connection to and appreciation of your physical body. Treating it with love and respect, nourishing it with quality food, honouring it through movement and self-care, opening up to pleasure and appreciating it for all it does. This has little to do with what it looks like, but more how you allow yourself to feel existing in it.
Empathy is the innate ability to sense how others are feeling, it requires an intuitive awareness and understanding beyond the self. This comes into sensuality by allowing us to think outside of ourselves and consider those around us as well.
So, when we think of being sensual as being mindful, connected to the body and conscious of others - it’s the perfect foundation for beautiful sex, don’t you think?
Actively engaging all the senses in to your sex-life is a sure fire way to elevate pleasure. Let’s explore the five senses, shall we?
What can you see? Consider the environment, the space, the room or the nature around you. Does it invite you to relax and connect? This could also include different toys or adornments on the body to create a visual feast and heighten excitement and anticipation. Ideas from previous clients have been intricate lingerie, the sight of chains, roses on the floor, or perhaps your beautiful Frenchie lube & condoms waiting on the nightstand for you.
Consider all the sounds that could be present during a sexual experience. Perhaps it's the sound of silence, being aware of the type of music playing and whether you and your partner vibe with it. Maybe you have a fire or woodwick candles crackling away. This also includes vocalising yourself and being free to make sound during sex - expressing your pleasure through sound always heightens the experience.
What smells entice you to drop more into the moment? Perhaps it's a scented candle, incense, fresh flowers. Maybe it's your skin freshly washed, your lover's sweaty body, perfume, essential oil. Scent is also closely linked to memories - which smells might transport you back to a particularly romantic moment you shared with a lover? Perhaps the scent of fresh lavender has you reminiscing about that magical afternoon in Paris when you first met your lover - oh la la!
What scents make you feel super sexy and how can you incorporate them into your sexual escapades?
Aphrodisiac, anyone? Seduce one another by indulging in delicious foods before you head to the bedroom (or better yet, take them with you!). Sipping on wine while slowly and sensually savouring some luscious chocolates and berries will have you in the mood in no time.
Of course, good sex is all about the right touch. Explore one another’s bodies through sensual massage and elemental touch. Elemental touch refers to the way you can embody the four elements with your touch. Earth, fire, water, air. This way of looking at touch allows you to also create a great vocabulary to share and use with lovers to describe what kind of touch you desire.
Earth - a very grounding touch, akin to a firm or even a deep tissue massage.
Fire - a more scratchy type of touch. Think of being in the heat of the moment with a lover, that almost animalistic desire to dig your fingernails in to their back and scratch.
Water - this is all about the motion. Think of using the fingertips to sweep and sway across the skin in a fluid, flowing manner.
Air - this is the most gentle touch. Think barely there, very light, almost tickling type of sensation. This could also include the use of breath on the skin, gently blowing the create a delicate sensation.
Along with exploring your favourite type of touch, take this further by considering the textures and fabrics in your space, the feel or each others’ skin and hair.
This is just a small sample of all the delicious ways you can make your sex life even more sensual, to evoke each of the senses to heighten connection and drop in to the physical body. Above are just some of my favourite ideas, I encourage you to take the time to consider how you can use each sense to create a more luxurious experience. So, get creative and enjoy, mon amor!