Once you’ve opened the floor to discuss how integrating new toys and products may feel for all partners involved, it can be a really connective next step to actually go shopping for sex toys together.
Sometimes, it can be nice to keep things casual. Sex toy shopping can be as normalised as going to the grocery store together, where planning our next sexual experiences is made as casual as planning our next meal and choosing out all of the ingredients.
However, it can also be nice to make a date of it. To give our sexual selves the celebration and intention that we would give to an occasion like a birthday dinner or a holiday, to make an event of the shopping and selecting of products, taking a moment to honour and recognise our sexual relationships for the joyous adventures that they are.
Shopping Together
In making a date of shopping for pleasure products together, we open up ample opportunity for conversations, giggles, and connection, that may otherwise be difficult to access.
If you’ve already done the hard work of initiating the conversation and sharing with one another where you’re at and how you’d like to move forward together, the next step is to consider doing some shopping together. This can truly be so fun, and there are so many ways to approach it.
Choose what feels best for you, plan a time that works well for all of you, and allow extra time so that your sex toy shopping doesn’t get rushed in between a bunch of other engagements. Give this adventure some time and space to breathe, so you can really sink into the experience and the conversations that come with it.
Some things to consider when planning to shop for sex toys together:
Go In With An Open Mind
Doing the shopping part together offers a really beautiful opportunity to chat about different products and get to know one another’s pleasures, desires and fantasies a little better. Honestly, it can be the most direct, and easiest, way to get curious and ask questions to one another that may feel less natural to ask at other times.
In order for all partners to feel safe to answer these vulnerable questions openly, and to feel more able to ask questions in return, it is important to go into the experience of sex toy shopping together with an open mind.
You may not have expected to find yourselves looking at a certain toy that you had never considered, but this can be a great way to learn what your partner(s) may really desire. Instead of shying away from things that initially feel outside your comfort zone, try getting curious about what it is your partner is drawn to.
Is it the anatomy of the product? The size? Does this item feel gender affirming for them? Does it fulfill a fantasy? Is it the particular shape or fit they like?
When we get curious from a loving, non-judgemental place, it allows more honesty to flow easily between you, and it might expand your own curiosity toward the item if you understand better what it is your partner is drawn to.
Make A Date Of It
There are many ways to shop for pleasure products. However you choose to embark on this journey, it can feel connective to make a date of the experience of shopping together.
There are many gorgeous online sex toy shops that offer a wide range of toys for all genders, bodies, and pleasure types. If you prefer to do your shopping online, perhaps find ways to create a little romance at home for your shopping experience.
Maybe have a glass of wine or cozy together on the couch, use a device that is large enough so everyone can see the screen at the same time, dim the lighting, play some music or light a candle, and venture off into the internet world to look at what’s out there.
If you have a category of products or a particular item in mind, see if you can compare a couple of different platforms’ inventories to really build understanding of your options. With online shopping, you can compare so many different products at once, and do research on each at the same time, so this can be a really useful tool if you’re wanting to familiarize yourself more with the sex toy landscape.
If you have access to a physical sex shop, it can also be very useful to physically go into a store to do your shopping.
Being in-person with different products can be very transformative as a tool for getting comfortable interacting with products themselves, in real time, with your partner(s). You may be surprised at what you feel physically drawn to, and this also provides an opportunity to ask questions about the items with the knowledgeable folks that work in the shop.
It can feel awkward to ask such intimate questions of strangers, but ultimately, if they’re working in a sex shop, chances are they’re more than comfortable talking about sex. They’re there to help!
Set A Budget
I’ll also acknowledge that pleasure products are often quite an investment, so it is important to set a budget that you’re both comfortable with when venturing out on your sex toy shopping journey. If the budget is established prior to shopping, it can be a useful way to narrow down the list of fantasy purchases, to things that feel really exciting to both of you.
I’d suggest starting with one or two things and seeing how these initial items feel for you both for a while, before investing further. It can feel quite exciting to be having these conversations and going down this road together, so going a little wild on the shopping may be enticing, but it is important to remember that, like anything else that’s new, this new journey may take some getting used to. If you end up with a box of 12 different things arriving on your doorstep at once, it could honestly be quite intimidating, and you may be more reluctant to dive in.
Picking just one or two new things to try for starters might feel more approachable, more casual, less daunting, and even if you don’t particularly love it, you hopefully haven’t broken the bank and can perhaps try something else.
Maintain Your Boundaries
While I have emphasised the importance of open-mindedness and curiosity in this venture, I want to bring equal emphasis to the importance of maintaining your boundaries when choosing products for partnered sex.
If there are things you know don’t work for you, or don’t interest you at all, be sure to communicate this with your partner and honour your own needs in the process. Don’t force yourself into it, this process is about expansion rather than contraction. There’s no sense in purchasing something that you know will not be enjoyable for you, so it’s important to share these boundaries while you’re having conversations about what you each want.
It can be such a rich, growing experience to get to know your partner(s) better through learning about pleasure products they are curious about trying. If you start with a safe, compassionate conversation to feel out where one another stands in the sex toy realm, make a date of picking some things out to try together, and maintain boundaries and communication along the way, sex toy shopping together can be an extremely nourishing activity for your relationship(s).
