Vibrators have become a staple part of bedroom activities for vulva-owners, with over 65% of women owning one and 45% of men using sex toys as well, either during solo play or as a couple.
Since Covid-19, sex toy sales have tripled in New Zealand and doubled in Australia showing that their popularity has soared over lockdowns. Their popularity over the last few years can be for assorted reasons, but with the rise of the sex-positivity movement and changing attitudes towards sex and female pleasure sex toy use is something here to stay.
With a vast range of vibrators from wands and clitoral stimulators to g-spot focused internal vibrators, the possibilities to achieve pleasure are endless when using one. Different vibrators offer various levels of intensity and new sensations during solo or couple play, using a vibrator offers fun and creative ways to explore your body, both internally and externally.
From solo play to introducing your vibrator into the bedroom, this article looks at all the reasons why using a vibrator can improve your sex life.
Why should you use a vibrating sex toy?
Vibrators and sex toy use can add a slice of variety to your sex life and masturbation sessions that can improve your feelings towards sex, your body, and your partner as your try new things out. However, the positive reasons to own a vibrator can go beyond pleasure and be beneficial to your health. Like with masturbation, the health benefits include stress relief, decreased anxiety and better sleep and aids in cardiovascular health. But the added benefit of sex toy uses also include increased lubrication, clitoral stimulation which can lead to more orgasms and when using an internal vibrator, like the Double Entendre, a more robust pelvic floor.
With only 18.4% of heterosexual women reporting being able to orgasm from vaginal sex alone, the added benefit of using a vibrator on the external vulva area, especially the clitoris, speaks for itself. But also, without making orgasm the focus of masturbation and sex, using the vibrator has the benefit of allowing you to learn about your body and your other erogenous zones as you use it to explore your or your partner's body. For people suffering from sexual health issues, including vaginismus and pelvic pain, the use of dilators and smaller vibrators can help with learning to relax and overcoming the anxiety around penetrative sex.
Is it embarrassing to use a sex toy nowadays?
Over the past few years’ conversations surrounding sex, pleasure and owning sex toys have changed. No longer is the focus on procreation, penis-in-vagina as standard or that sex is only for men, the sex-positivity movement has created a space where the conversation is less about achieving an orgasm and all about self-pleasure, self-love and vulva-centric.
The sex positivity and feminine pleasure movements have had a positive impact on using a vibrator as the narrative has changed from it being a shameful secrete to being an empowering tool that helps many navigate and take ownership of their own pleasure. As discussions on the orgasm gap still take place, with the majority of straight women being unable to achieve orgasm without clitoral stimulation, vibrators have taken centre stage in helping to improve the sex life of many.
With notable celebrities endorsing and even creating their own lines of sex toys, vibrators have become mainstream and the latest ‘must-have’ product. This, alongside the way sex education is changing and as we learn increasingly about female pleasure, more of us are looking to use sex toys to better understand our bodies, with articles from Zoella, Vice and Forbes offering advice on buying your first vibrator for young adults we are seeing the old embarrassment of owning a sex toy melt away. Even sex toy companies themselves have embraced this feminine focus, changing their language to be more inclusive, offering advice on how to use sex toys and even changing the designs of toys to be less realistic and more focused on hitting the erogenous zones, making them less ‘sleazy’ and more aesthetically pleasing.
Lockdown has increased the number of people owning a vibrator, as isolation set in and the majority of us were unable to receive intimacy from others, sex toy sales tripled in New Zealand and doubled in Australia. With Ann Summers alone reporting a 160% increase in sales for the premium sex toys globally. As the bedside changes, vibrators are quickly becoming a staple in the bedside draw.
An added benefit to this was found in one study; they found that 52.5% of vulva owners aged 18-60 are using a vibrator with the findings seeing more health-promoting behaviours and positive sexual function in genital areas. Including a rise in self-examinations and getting gynaecology examinations. Showing that a more vulva-focused form of sex education and frank discussions about sex, pleasure and female masturbation positively impacts our relationship with our bodies and sex toys are becoming a tool to do just that.
Overall, owning a vibrator has moved away from becoming a shameful secret hidden at the back of the closet and is taking centre place on the nightstand as more and more people embrace and take ownership of their own pleasure.
How vibrators improved the sex life of vulva owners
Whether single, dating or married, using sex toys is a universal experience for many vulva-owning women and something that should be actively encouraged with studies showing that 65% of vulva owners own a vibrator.
As mentioned above, there are many benefits to using a vibrator, including improving your sex life with studies finding that women who use vibrators regularly have increased sexual functions including more lubrication, easier and higher orgasm rates, increased libido and are more likely to take control of their sexual health.
Another way that a vibrator can increase your sex life is that it empowers you to learn about your body, your desires and what you like and improves your confidence to talk about it with your sexual partners. For women who have faced trauma or sexual health issues, it can also be the needed tool to help overcome that and reclaim their pleasure and body confidence without the added anxiety and pressure of a partner.
As Dr. Donaghue said in an interview with bustle: "Sex toys allow you to experiment with different sensations, stimulation areas and simultaneous pleasure points in a safe manner, giving you the gift of knowing what makes you feel good. Then, you can repeat this roadmap with yourself or know exactly what to communicate to your partner."
Using a vibrator is not just something for young women. As women get older and start to go through menopause, it can often feel like sex is not something for them anymore and this could not be less true.
By using a vibrator regularly, you can vastly improve your sex life including keeping the vaginal opening healthy and widening the entrance that naturally shrinks as we get older. As well as regularly stimulating pleasure receptors and creating blood flow to the vaginal opening and for natural lubricant to keep being produced, which help keep sex painless.
For older couples, it can also help to re-ignite that spark that may have been lost as age takes over and sex drives lower. Your partner can use the sex toy on you without worrying about having to overcome erectile issues and reignite the intimacy between you.
How vibrators improve the sex life of couples
With two-thirds’ of couples using sex toys (forty-five % of men in US admitting to using one in a previous study) and an increasing number of sex toy brands now focusing on creating sex toys for couples, using a vibrator during sex is becoming more normalised, and this is a good thing.
By introducing a vibrator into your bedroom and relationship it can vastly improve your sex life in several ways. By having the conversation about using them during foreplay and during sex it opens healthy conversations about intimacy, desires and boundaries which creates trust and the perfect breading grounding for good sex.
As well as this, when in long term relationships, heterosexual women are more likely to enjoy sex when their partner knows about sex toys, with only 18.4% of women able to orgasm from penetration alone, by using a vibrator externally on the clit allows both partners to gain enjoyment and potentially reach orgasm during sex.
And finally, using a sex toy with your partner improves your sex life because it adds fun back into it, especially if you have been with your partner for a while and things have become repetitive.
Although it can feel scary when first introducing the topic of sex toys into a relationship, by starting the conversation outside of the bedroom and using it as a way you can both experience new sensations allows you to open new ways to be intimate with each other and experience pleasure.
How vibrators improved the sex life of same-sex couples
Usually, when discussing vibrators and using sex toys, the focus tends to be on different-sex couple play or solo masturbation sessions, using a vibrator to enhance your sex life can also be for queer couples as well.
For vulva-owning queer people, using vibrating strap-on dildos or double ended vibrators has the benefit of creating more intimate penetrative sex between partners as it removes the barrier of cloth and harnesses that can get in the way during play, making penetrative sex more intimate for both of you. Or using external vibrators like eggs, or wands for clitoral play, the same as your straight counterparts, or to create new sensations during tribbing, scissoring or external play between couples.
Wand vibrators and bullet vibrators can also be used during couple play between penis-owning queer couples for new sensations as well. By running the head of a wand vibrator or bullet underneath the head of the penis along the gland frenulum vein on the underside the vibrations can cause more intense sensations than just using a hand. For anal play, only use vibrating butt plugs as they are made specifically for internal use because of their flared base to ensure easy removal.
How to buy a vibrator?
Buying your first vibrator or even your tenth can often feel overwhelming, worrying and exhilarating; with the vast array of varied sizes, uses and shapes sometimes it can feel like there is too much to choose from. When walking into a shop, this feeling can be worse as well-meaning salespersons offer advice and tips and show you various products that can often cause confusion. For those who are not as outspoken or comfortable talking about sex, masturbation, and sex toys, what is supposed to be an empowering moment can feel suffocating and embarrassing as you discuss your body and desires with a stranger
This is where online shopping comes in handy and allows you to feel empowered and confident in your choices. By filtering through different sections, reading reviews and product descriptions and even the odd blog or two you can take your time looking through how to use a vibrator and decide which product is perfect for you. A bonus of online shopping is also that with discreet packaging and payment methods you can buy a vibrator without feeling like the entire world knows what is happening in your bedroom.
Using a vibrator to improve your sex life is an empowering experience whether you are doing so on your own or with a partner. It allows you to connect with your body, desires, and pleasure in new ways as the vibrations create new sensations with which to play with.
Written by Katrina Fairhurst (Instagram @_satisfiedkat)
