August is Anal Pleasure Month, lovers! That’s right, eleven glorious years ago a popular US sex toy company declared this month to be all about the booty, and it’s something we’re all too happy to celebrate.
For as long as we’ve been sexual creatures (read: forever), people have been exploring the erogenous zone of the anus. But you’d be forgiven for thinking it’s taboo, and potentially feeling a bit squeamish or hesitant to try. Anal sex has had a long history of vilification, with laws against ‘sodomy’ in place since the 1600’s. The term sodomy itself has various interpretations, from “a sexual act involving the sex organs of one person and the mouth or anus of another”, to simply non-procreative sexual activity. British English used the interchangeably term buggery to refer to either anal sex or sex between a human and an animal. With anal sex historically being lumped into such wildly vast definitions that were often referred to as “crimes against nature”, it’s no wonder that even now in 2023, anal sex carries with it a certain stigma.
Thankfully, we’re getting far more sex-positive here in the 21st century as opposed to back in the 1600’s, but the butt is still often perceived as a no go zone for many. Whether it be good ol’ internalised homophobia sinking its teeth in and convincing us that only gay men enjoy anal sex, a fear of pain or … ahem, ‘shitty accidents’, there’s plenty of folks who simply won’t let themselves explore anal pleasure.
This guide is for you. If you’ve been downright resistant, curious but hesitant or are keen to learn your way around the boot-ay, I’ve got you covered. Here are some fun reasons to try anal, and how to get started.
Everyone has an asshole
Obvious, I know. But, anal sex has carried with it the assumption that it must only be for those in partnerships where a pussy isn’t present. But thankfully we all have an asshole so regardless of your gender or the gender of your lover, you can still indulge in a little back door play.
Got a prostate?
Lucky you! Often referred to as the ‘male G-spot’, or the ‘P-spot’ (not to be confused with the P-Spot aka the posterior fornix zone within the vaginal canal) the prostate is a highly pleasurable walnut-sized gland found around two inches inside the anus of men and AMAB folks. It can be stimulated directly through internal stimulation using a finger, anal-safe sex toys, butt plugs or a penis as well as indirectly through external stimulation of the perineum aka the gooch. Either way, it’s responsible for the experience of intense orgasms and is definitely worth exploring. Remember fellas, anal play doesn’t make you gay and you’re only denying yourself powerful O’s by not exploring.
Got a Clit, a G-spot & an A-spot?
You’re lucky too! Both nerve-rich zones of the G-spot and A-spot are located within the vaginal canal. So, why am I bringing them up in an article on anal pleasure? Great question! Both these zones can be indirectly stimulated via anal sex through the anterior wall of the rectum. Plus, nerves from the clitoris also connect to the anus, meaning you can essentially feel anal stimulation in your clit too. Did someone say blended orgasms!?
Start off Solo
If this is your first time getting acquainted with the back door, I highly recommend starting off with some solo exploration and not with a lover immediately. This takes the pressure off and allows you to go slowly, at your own pace, breathe and be curious. Always start from the outside in when it comes to stimulation of the genitals and anus. Give yourself a luxe sensual massage, then move to the booty by massaging your cheeks and slowly move towards the anus itself. Stay external first and begin to trace circles around the entrance. Tune in to the subtle sensations here. If you’re feeling comfortable - with plenty of Oh La La Love Lube - then gently begin to insert your finger, nice and slowly. Think about stimulation over penetration. It’s not necessarily about inserting something in all the way and then in and out, ‘jackhammer style’, but instead it’s about finding the particular spot and type of sensation that feels pleasurable for you.
Lather on the Lube
Remember that the anus isn’t self-lubricating, like the vagina, so it’s essential to use lube, and plenty of it. Keep your bottle nearby for top ups throughout the experience to avoid any pain from friction or damage through micro tears or fissures - ouch! Oh and always ensure your nails are trimmed short, smooth and clean beforehand!
The breath is possibly one of the most important factors to consider when exploring anal play. To illustrate its importance, let’s talk about sphincters. (Bet you never thought you’d read that sentence, huh?). We all have both an internal and external ring (sphincter) of the anus. The outer ring can be controlled at will (you’re clenching right now, aren’t you?) but the internal sphincter is controlled by the autonomic nervous system (ANS). Slow, deep breathing activates the ANS, which in turn relaxes the anus. So, focus on slowing down your breath during anal stimulation and that inner ring will relax, leading to less resistance and more pleasure. An easy breath practice is to make the exhales longer than the inhales. For example, breathe in for a count of four, and out for a count of six.
Play with a Plug
A lot of the appeal of anal sex for many people is that ‘full’ and somewhat stretched out feeling of having something inside, rather than the in and out sensation. This is where butt plugs really shine. They can look intimidating af, but I promise they’re not as scary as they look. I suggest starting out with something small and slim - not too big and bulbous for the newbies. Take your time warming yourself up and breathing before inserting. Having a butt plug in can be a great way to build up your comfort levels with internal stimulation, plus it can really amp up your orgasmic potential while stimulating your genitals with one tucked inside.
Pull out the Pleasure Tools
My all-time favourite way to incorporate anal play into both my solo and partnered sex session is through the addition of the Double Entendre. If you’re new here, the Double Entendre is easily the most versatile and sexy sex toy out there. With its ultra flexible body, and dual head design, it can be used for internal and external stimulation, vaginal and anal play and solo and partnered sex. To try it out for yourself, ensure you bend it into a curve (nothing straight ever goes up the anus without a flared or curved base!) and slowly tease the entrance before lubing it up and sliding it in. You can use it by itself, add in clit or penis play or experiment with double penetration. So many options!
Your ass may be uncharted territory right now, but with this pleasure map, I hope you get exploring. A whole new world of orgasmic bliss awaits you!