Everyone deserves a healthy sex life. Below are 23 ways to improve your sex life.
1. Physical health benefits of a healthy sex life
A healthy sex life can have multiple benefits to your physical health. Physical movement promotes circulation through the body, which improves heart health, lowers blood pressure, and fosters arousal. A bonus to this is a reduced risk of heart disease, stroke, and hypertension. Not to mention that sex can help to build strength, and burn calories. It’s got to be one of the more enjoyable ways to exercise.
2. Mental health benefits of a healthy sex life
Healthy sex life has a positive impact on our mental health. Sexual activity initiates the release of different neurotransmitters, including serotonin (the happy hormone), and endorphins (the bonding hormone). It can also lead to better sleep, effective stress reduction, and can be a great form of exercise which are all important for mental wellbeing.
3. Make an effort to get in the mood for sex
For desire and arousal to grow, we need to put effort into getting into the mood for sex. Emily Nagoski (Author of ‘Come As You Are’) notes the importance of building sexy contexts.
This means making the effort to create rituals, or contexts that help foster desire. This can look like lighting candles, playing music, reading erotica, sharing fantasies, or just making sure there aren’t piles of dirty laundry lying around! Building sexy contexts often ignite a desire in our mind and body, helping us to get in the mood for sex.
Read about articles that can help you get in the mood for sex: Fostering Desire For Healthier Sex Life and Beginners Guide to Getting Kinky.
4. Doing Something New and Exciting with your partner to increase dopamine levels
Dopamine is a pleasure hormone that plays a part in our brain's reward system. The same system is responsible for monitoring our eagerness for sex.
Sharing new and exciting experiences with partners can help to boost dopamine levels, which in turn can prompt arousal and desire. It may even come from revisiting old hobbies or experiences from earlier in the relationship.
Want to try something new? Read about Exploring The Use Of Blindfolds.
5. Use Lubricants for better sex
Half of us naturally lubricate, and half of us don’t. As for the lubricating half, it’s not actually normal to be sopping wet every time we have sex. This is because our body doesn’t always produce this response, and that’s when it’s important to have a good lubricant to help you out. Using lube is a safe means to getting things slippery, opposed to some other questionable options. The benefit of it is that we aren’t shaming or judging our bodies for not naturally lubricating, we minimise pain, and we accommodate for the natural hormonal changes that happen throughout the month, or lifetime.
Read about Ways To Include Lube Into Your Sex Life
Avoid using these 6 things you should never use as lube.
6. Always Communicate With Your Partner How You Can Both Improve Your Sex Life
Sex and relationships can be hard work. The antidote is often communication. To improve, or maintain a satisfying sex life, communicating your needs, wants, and boundaries are essential.
Without communication, many couples find sexual desire and arousal dwindling and create strain on the relationship. Sex can be communicated in terms of intimacy, like finding mutual erotic or sexual activities to do (learn how to introduce sex toys and devices into a relationship) and creating the context to connect.
7. Protect Yourself With You And Your Partner
Whether in a relationship or flying solo; having safer sex practices is important. There is no shame in contracting an STI (read about having STI symptoms and what you should do), but it is always important to communicate to sexual partners if you have one. And always turn up prepared with condoms, dams, lube, and wipes. This shows that you respect the sexual rights of your partner, and are ready to have fun in the safest ways possible.
Read about How To Initiate Safe Sex
8. Use a Vibrator Or Other Sex Toys
Integrating vibrators and other sex toys into your sex life can help to maximise pleasure. While many people often leave the use of sex toys for solo use, they can be used in partnered play too. Toys are not made to replace people, but instead are tools to heighten pleasure, and assist with stimulation. Toys can be used to explore your own, or someone else’s body, or during certain sexual positions.
Read an interesting article about The History Of Sex Toys And Vibrators
9. Stop Having Insecure Thoughts
Sometimes during sex, we can get in our heads, when we want to be in our bodies enjoying pleasure. That will sometimes result in performance anxiety.
If you notice anxious thoughts, or insecurities arising; take a deep breath into your body and ground yourself. Bring yourself into the present moment by focusing on the sensations you’re experiencing, or what you like about your partner. Another strategy here is to delay worrying. Tell yourself you’ll come back to it later on, but for now, you’re enjoying the present moment.
10. Give Timing And Pace
Time and pace make for good sex. Research shows that our arousal systems can differ greatly. On average, many female-identifying people require anywhere between 17-60 minutes to be fully aroused. While male-identifying can experience an entire sexual response cycle in 3-5 minutes. within that, each of our bodies will also function uniquely. By slowing pleasure down, we can create small moments to flirt and be erotic, which can help align sexual responses between partners.
Read about Improving Your Sex Life With Sensual Movement.
11. Exercise, Be More Active For A Better Sex Life
Being active and exercising can lead to better sex life. This is because moving our bodies helps to reduce stress, and stress is the number one libido killer! Exercise also helps promote circulation, and healthy circulation is what helps to get our genitals hard and/or wet. Enjoying movement in our bodies through exercise is also a nice way to practice enjoying movement in our bodies during sex.
12. Give Compliments During Sex
A great way to improve sex is to give positive feedback to our partners. This can be in the form of compliments or observations of how they might be facilitating our pleasure. By giving feedback, we communicate to our partners what feels good, which will likely lead to them doing more of it! It can also be communicated to the outside of sexual interactions, which prompts fantasy, and offers an erotic way to connect.
13. Do Kegel Exercises
Kegel exercises are not just for women! We all have pelvic floor muscles that support a lot of our internal sexual organs. For women, practicing Kegels can be a great way to strengthen pelvic floor muscles, attune to your body, and what it feels like. For men, Kegels can strengthen pelvic floor muscles, and aid in the improvement of erectile fullness. Many physiotherapists will advocate for pelvic floor exercises to improve sexual function, especially after birth, or prostate surgery.
14. How A Healthy Sex Life Improves Social Skills
A healthy sex life can improve your social skills by boosting your confidence, and improving your mood. Because sex has both physical and psychological benefits, it frees us up to be more present in social interactions. A healthy sex life can also improve our sense of sexual identity, and affirm components of our sexuality.
15. Don't Stop Kissing Or Cuddling
John Gottman of the Gottman Institute has researched successful relationships for decades. He found that a 6 second kiss helps to reduce stress, and building intimacy between couples. Touch is the central sense that we engage during sexual activity, and we can foster arousal and desire by sensually, or affectionately touching partners outside of sexual interactions. Beyond this, affection is a wonderful way of practicing intimacy and connection with a partner.
16. Get Enough Sleep For Better Sexual Function
Getting a good night’s sleep can improve your sexual function. For many of us, sleep is the time our body rests, and rejuvenates. Within this rejuvenation, the body is replenishing it’s resources to facilitate arousal, lubrication, ejaculation, orgasm, and erection. Sleeping well helps to process stress and other toxins which will positively impact our experience of desire, satisfaction, and libido. For penis owners, sleep is the time your body produces housekeeping erections. These are non-sexual erections that your body generates to ensure blood vessels are functioning well. People generally experience 4-6 housekeeping erections a night.
17. Yoga: Regular Stretching And Breathing Exercises To Improve Sexual Performance
Yoga, and other gentle movements can improve your sexual performance and function. This is because gentle stretching, controlled breathing exercises, and relaxation techniques activate the parasympathetic nervous system. This is the part of our nervous system responsible for rest, mindfulness, curiosity, safety, and sexual pleasure. Through yoga and breathing practices, we can learn how to activate this system, and remain present during sexual interactions.
18. Do Different Positions And Explore
Sometimes sex can become prescriptive, and all parties may end up expecting a routine of sexual behaviors to occur every time. One way to keep sex fun and interesting is to explore new positions or behaviors. One way to do this is to write out all the sexual behaviors that can occur on a table. Include everything from making eye contact, kissing, outercourse, intercourse, and even power dynamics like dom/sub. Then consider what items off the table you’d like to explore each sexual interaction.
Read about new positions and movement: Improving Your Sex Life With Sensual Movement
19. Use Healthy Aphrodisiacs
Many of us have heard that things like oysters and chocolate are aphrodisiacs that help to boost libido. Unfortunately, these foods aren’t backed by evidence, but there are some foods that have been heavily researched. Foods that have been found to boost libido include Maca, Tribulus, Ginkgo bilboa, red ginseng, fenugreek, and saffron. Some of these foods have also been shown to help decrease the side effects of anti-depressants that cause loss of libido. Otherwise, food and cooking whether alone or together can help to build a sexy context that fosters desire.
20. Give Your Sexual Fantasies A Try
Sexual fantasy can be a rich landscape for arousal and desire. While it’s completely fine to not want to share some fantasies, it can be incredibly erotic to discuss other fantasies with your sexual partners. Ahead of time, create space to discuss what fantasies arouse you, and which ones you might like to explore together. You can discuss what is expected of each person, and how the fantasy will play out.
21. Stimulate Yourself Or Masturbate For Better Sex
Masturbation and self-pleasure are where we learn about our bodies. Spending time exploring your body, and stimulating yourself can help you to understand what you do, or do not like. Masturbation is completely normal behavior, and can even be done with partners, otherwise known as mutual masturbation. This is a totally valid and erotic form of sex to have with partners.
Read about The Benefits Of Masturbation and did you know what What is The International Masturbation Month.
22. Watch An Erotic Movie Or Tasteful Porn With Your Partner
If you want to prompt imagination or fantasy along, you can access erotica or ethical porn. The benefits of ethical porn and either visual or audio erotica is that it helps to build sexual fantasy, and this can positively impact our desire and arousal. It can also be a new way to explore eroticism with a partner, by watching porn, or listening to erotica together.
Hold on!... Read about How Porn Can Influence Your Sex Life
23. Do Your Research
It’s always important to practice safer sex. While many of us were taught this entails condoms, and contraception, safer sex practices can also include educating yourself on consent, communication skills, and even things like the impacts of trauma. Another way to set yourself up for a healthy sexual career is to consider the beliefs, attitudes, and views you have around your own, or others’ sexualities, and consider if these are things you want to continue to embody, or would like to update.
Browse through our collection of Sexual Health Articles.
Overall Thoughts On Improving Your Sex Life
Overall ways to improve your sex life include looking after the other parts that keep you a functioning human being. This includes managing your stress (the Number One libido killer), maintaining a healthy diet, exercising regularly, going to therapy, checking in with your sexual partners on everyone’s emotional needs, and staying curious about your sexual relationship. Ultimately by taking care of your general well-being, you set yourself up for healthy sexual wellbeing.